Day 1, Part 5...

Hello. I started this blog quite a while ago - actually, I can't even remember how long ago. This brings my blog count to a total of 3, however, I have a handful more of ones that I have discarded and no longer use. But I would love to actually keep up with this one.

So once again, I am trying to lose some weight. For the past few months, I have given up on the whole weight loss/diet/exercise thing. Actually, since the beginning of the summer, so it's been a while. It hasn't been terrible - it's not like I've gained an incredible amount during those few months, but I have gained some weight. During the summer, it was easier. I was working constantly, and walking a lot since I had to walk to work in Fire Island. I wasn't eating nearly as much as usual, because I was kept so busy. So despite the fact that I was not watching what I was eating at all and I wasn't exercising, I was maintaining pretty much the same weight. It wasn't that I was happy with the weight I was at either - actually, I really wasn't happy with it at all. But I wanted to have a good summer. I wanted to be more carefree and relaxed, and I wanted to do what I wanted and not stress so much about how I looked. So I gave myself a little break.

But that break continued after the summer ended, into September, October, November, and now, December. I told myself that I would go back to exercising and trying to eat healthier in the fall, but it just never happened. I'm honestly disappointed in myself. I've been letting myself eat whatever I want, I have been to the gym about 5 times in the past 6 months, and I've only been gaining weight and becoming flabby. It's embarrassing, and the worst part is the clothes situation. I feel like I can't wear anything I like anymore, and I LOVE fashion. I have been hiding in baggy clothes, leggings, and the same pair of jeans that are steadily getting tighter on me.

Two other things are making me want to lose weight quickly.

One is a dress. I got this beautiful black lace dress from ASOS for a wedding I have in February for one of my favorite cousins. It reminds me of the kind of dress Kim Kardashian would wear - meaning it's short, tight, and body-conscious. I got it in the mail a few days ago, and I couldn't be more in love with it. BUT. I am certainly not in love with the way I look in it. My stomach sticks out and my legs are in nowhere near the condition I need them to be in order to pull off this look. I really want to look good at this wedding - if I have the date I want, I want to impress him. And if I don't have a date, then there's all the more reason to look fantastic.

Another thing is a boy. As per usual, right? Me and this boy started seeing each other about 2 months ago. All he does is talk about how sexy and beautiful and gorgeous he thinks I am, and whenever we're together, he has never made me doubt myself. He is constantly touching me and looking at me and telling me how amazingly sexy I am, but no matter how many times he says it, I don't believe him. When he touches my stomach I recoil, when he looks at my body (even though it's with appreciation), I feel like I immediately want to cover myself up. I want to look better for him. Even though he constantly goes on how about how much he loves my body, I just feel like it could be better. More toned, more thin. I don't know.

So today I am really honestly going to start dieting and exercising. I need to look better - not just for that boy, but also for myself.

I admittedly did not have a good start this morning. Instead of my usual venti vanilla latte from Starbucks, which is relatively low in sugar and calories for a latte, I got the peppermint mocha. I couldn't help it - there were snow flurries outside, and the whole city looked like Christmas. So it looks like that was my treat for the day.

I had a Kellogs FiberPlus bar for breakfast. It was Dark Chocolate Almond - they're pretty good. I'm super picky about granola bars and things, but this one isn't bad. It actually kind of tastes like a candy bar. It only has 130 calories and 7 grams of sugar, and although I should be eating a more well-rounded breakfast, this isn't horrible for on the go.

For the rest of the day I need to eat healthier. For lunch I'm thinking I'm going to get Hale & Hearty. I want to fill up on a healthy lunch so that I'm not tempted to grab a snack on my way home. That always happens - I get so hungry and end up grabbing something unhealthy in Penn Station or Grand Central - something like a bag of chips, popcorn, Haagen Daaz ice cream, a Jamba Juice smoothie, a big pretzel, chocolate bars. It's actually disgusting when you think about. But today for lunch, I think I'll get a low calorie soup from Hale & Hearty and maybe a salad, but not with much in it. I could get mixed greens with edamame, feta cheese, broccoli, and walnuts - that shouldn't be too bad. The only bad thing is the feta cheese, but feta isn't too bad for you.

I seriously doubt I'll have time to work out today. I won't get home until at least 7:30 and I'm probably hanging out with that boy. But tomorrow morning, I swear I will go to the gym before work.

I'll update later with what I ate for lunch!