Day 3, Part 1

So last night wasn't terrible. Despite the fact that I had an entire day of doing nothing to prepare for my movie premiere, I was still running late to make the train. I ended up eating only one bowl of soup, although it was a decent size. And, because I was running late, I forgot to bring a granola bar! I was so disappointed when I realized, because I knew I'd be hungry after the movie. I ended up buying a bag of Pop Chips for the ride home, but I think where I really went wrong was with the Peach Iced Tea Snapple. I wish I didn't have so much sugar so late at night!

Moving on to today. There's not much to write about... it's been a pretty blah day. For breakfast, I had a venti vanilla latte from Starbucks and a Kellogs Fiber-1 bar in dark chocolate almond. Then for lunch I had butternut squash soup and half of a hummus wrap from Hale & Hearty. The soup was probably filled with calories, but it's my favorite one, and they don't always have it so I got it anyway. I also grabbed a bag of BBQ Pop Chips. I just really wanted something crunchy - I feel like Pop Chips aren't the worst snack I could have though.

I don't know, I kind of know I could have done better today. Especially since I know I'll have to get another cup of coffee in the next 20 minutes. But I'm going to try. And hopefully tomorrow I'll get my lazy ass to the gym. Okay, I'll update later. Like I said... kind of blah, not much to write!

Day 2, Part 1

Hello, hello!

So last night I ended up finishing off the night pretty well. I was proud of myself, because I kind of really wanted a yummy ice cream sundae. But I didn't give in!

Dinner:
2 bowls of homemade vegetable soup.

I came home and my mom had made me a huge pot of vegetable/barley soup. I'm a vegetarian, so sometimes it's harder for me to find something to eat for a quick dinner - everyone else in my family eats meat. So I thought it was great that she made me the soup. It was just a bunch of vegetables, some potatoes, and barley in a vegetable broth that my mom made with water, a jar of tomato paste and some vegetable boullions. It was really delicious and I feel like it couldn't have had that much calories. The barley made it a little bit more filling then if it was just vegetables.

After dinner, I have to say that I was pretty satisfied. But I ended up having 3 cookies - they're these Trader Joes cookies, kind of like Oreos but made with a peppermint filling instead. They're SO GOOD and they only sell them around the holidays - so I felt like I should treat myself! Anyway, they were small. And that was all I ate for the rest of the night!

Now, onto today.

Breakfast:
-3 egg whites scrambled with baby spinach and 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese.

Now, what I really wanted for breakfast was Dunkin Donuts - a yummy strawberry donut and a gingerbread latte. But, just as I thought, okay I'll pick one up, I remembered my diet. And I didn't get it! This breakfast was really good and satisfying, but next time I definitely need to add something more to it - it wasn't enough to keep me full for a while.

Lunch:
-Salad made with romaine, asiago cheese, walnuts, tuna, roasted red peppers, and oil and vinegar.

Snack:
-1 orange.

Okay, if I'm going to be honest, and I should be - I snacked on some chocolate cookies. =x I know I know but it's hard going from eating everything I want to eating so healthy, even though it's just Day 2! But I swear I'm trying harder.

Tonight I have a movie premiere, so I'll be eating dinner early... I'm probably going to have 2 more bowls of that vegetable soup, and I know I'm going to end up getting coffee, but I'll try to make it a nonfat latte. Snack-wise, I should be good, although I think I'll bring a granola bar for the train ride home later just in case.

Day 1, Part 2

Good afternoon. Updating again to keep on top of myself!

I did pretty good this afternoon, keeping on track of what I told myself I was going to do. I ate lunch at 2 and I had:

-A medium 10-vegetable soup from Hale & Hearty
-Mixed greens with broccoli, edamame, feta cheese and walnuts in oil and balsamic vinegar.

For a snack just a few minutes ago, I had a yogurt with granola and strawberries and bananas from Starbucks.

I'm kind of hungry right now, but I'm really more tired. I wanted to get another coffee, but I didn't want to waste the calories on the sugar. So I guess I'll just wait until I'm on the train and I can take a nap.

I don't have much else to say. I really am exhausted, and I have a busy few days ahead of me. Hopefully it doesn't affect my diet. I'll update later!

Day 1, Part 5...

Hello. I started this blog quite a while ago - actually, I can't even remember how long ago. This brings my blog count to a total of 3, however, I have a handful more of ones that I have discarded and no longer use. But I would love to actually keep up with this one.

So once again, I am trying to lose some weight. For the past few months, I have given up on the whole weight loss/diet/exercise thing. Actually, since the beginning of the summer, so it's been a while. It hasn't been terrible - it's not like I've gained an incredible amount during those few months, but I have gained some weight. During the summer, it was easier. I was working constantly, and walking a lot since I had to walk to work in Fire Island. I wasn't eating nearly as much as usual, because I was kept so busy. So despite the fact that I was not watching what I was eating at all and I wasn't exercising, I was maintaining pretty much the same weight. It wasn't that I was happy with the weight I was at either - actually, I really wasn't happy with it at all. But I wanted to have a good summer. I wanted to be more carefree and relaxed, and I wanted to do what I wanted and not stress so much about how I looked. So I gave myself a little break.

But that break continued after the summer ended, into September, October, November, and now, December. I told myself that I would go back to exercising and trying to eat healthier in the fall, but it just never happened. I'm honestly disappointed in myself. I've been letting myself eat whatever I want, I have been to the gym about 5 times in the past 6 months, and I've only been gaining weight and becoming flabby. It's embarrassing, and the worst part is the clothes situation. I feel like I can't wear anything I like anymore, and I LOVE fashion. I have been hiding in baggy clothes, leggings, and the same pair of jeans that are steadily getting tighter on me.

Two other things are making me want to lose weight quickly.

One is a dress. I got this beautiful black lace dress from ASOS for a wedding I have in February for one of my favorite cousins. It reminds me of the kind of dress Kim Kardashian would wear - meaning it's short, tight, and body-conscious. I got it in the mail a few days ago, and I couldn't be more in love with it. BUT. I am certainly not in love with the way I look in it. My stomach sticks out and my legs are in nowhere near the condition I need them to be in order to pull off this look. I really want to look good at this wedding - if I have the date I want, I want to impress him. And if I don't have a date, then there's all the more reason to look fantastic.

Another thing is a boy. As per usual, right? Me and this boy started seeing each other about 2 months ago. All he does is talk about how sexy and beautiful and gorgeous he thinks I am, and whenever we're together, he has never made me doubt myself. He is constantly touching me and looking at me and telling me how amazingly sexy I am, but no matter how many times he says it, I don't believe him. When he touches my stomach I recoil, when he looks at my body (even though it's with appreciation), I feel like I immediately want to cover myself up. I want to look better for him. Even though he constantly goes on how about how much he loves my body, I just feel like it could be better. More toned, more thin. I don't know.

So today I am really honestly going to start dieting and exercising. I need to look better - not just for that boy, but also for myself.

I admittedly did not have a good start this morning. Instead of my usual venti vanilla latte from Starbucks, which is relatively low in sugar and calories for a latte, I got the peppermint mocha. I couldn't help it - there were snow flurries outside, and the whole city looked like Christmas. So it looks like that was my treat for the day.

I had a Kellogs FiberPlus bar for breakfast. It was Dark Chocolate Almond - they're pretty good. I'm super picky about granola bars and things, but this one isn't bad. It actually kind of tastes like a candy bar. It only has 130 calories and 7 grams of sugar, and although I should be eating a more well-rounded breakfast, this isn't horrible for on the go.

For the rest of the day I need to eat healthier. For lunch I'm thinking I'm going to get Hale & Hearty. I want to fill up on a healthy lunch so that I'm not tempted to grab a snack on my way home. That always happens - I get so hungry and end up grabbing something unhealthy in Penn Station or Grand Central - something like a bag of chips, popcorn, Haagen Daaz ice cream, a Jamba Juice smoothie, a big pretzel, chocolate bars. It's actually disgusting when you think about. But today for lunch, I think I'll get a low calorie soup from Hale & Hearty and maybe a salad, but not with much in it. I could get mixed greens with edamame, feta cheese, broccoli, and walnuts - that shouldn't be too bad. The only bad thing is the feta cheese, but feta isn't too bad for you.

I seriously doubt I'll have time to work out today. I won't get home until at least 7:30 and I'm probably hanging out with that boy. But tomorrow morning, I swear I will go to the gym before work.

I'll update later with what I ate for lunch!

Yesterday after I wrote, I went a little bit off my diet. For lunch/dinner, I did fine... I had a salad with walnuts, Asiago cheese and oil and vinegar, and a bowl of Amy's Lentil soup... but then at work I was still hungry. I fully admit to grabbing a few french fries off of some plates. But what I really wanted was some bread with butter, and I didn't have it. So I guess I have to just focus on what I did right. When I got home, I was still hungry, so I tried to appease my sweet tooth with one of those small 1-serving things of ice cream. The thing that really sucked was later... I celebrated 4/20 with my friends and had 2 pieces of chocolate and some potato chips. If I had just had one of those things (only the french fries, or only the ice cream, or only the munchies later), it wouldn't have been so bad. But I had all three. I woke up so disappointed in myself, and I really want to remember that feeling so I don't have it again. I promise to do good today and to stay away from the french fries at work and all other evil cravings.

I started off pretty decent today with a 40 minute bike ride. It was beautiful out, and I didn't really feel like slaving away on the elliptical. Plus, my arms and legs are still really sore from the weights I did yesterday and the Wii Fit I did the other day, so I decided to give the strength training a break. Bike riding instead of the gym was awesome. Last summer, I started biking instead of going to the gym, and I absolutely loved it. It was a different feeling, working out in the sunshine with a cool breeze around you. I've been waiting for the warmer weather so I can do that again. I love going to the gym, I honestly do, but sometimes I need to do something different, you know? I wish I could have rode for longer, but my legs are burning in pain from working out the last two days.

I plan on eating a nice healthy breakfast now, but I'm not sure what to have. I don't feel like I'm in the mood for eggs, and I don't think we have oatmeal. Hmm. I'll figure something out.

I just hope that I can accomplish my goal. Right now, my realistic goal is to lose 10 pounds before my first beach day. That is no where close to how much weight I want to lose, but it will make me feel better. I really want to lose 20 pounds. I need to actually. I hate the weight I'm at right now. If I could see 129 on the scale... I would be soooo happy. Just being in the 120's would make me feel better about myself. From there, I want to go down to at LEAST 120 or 115. I think I can do it if I try hard enough. I just can't let myself get side tracked and distracted. I HAVE to keep my goals in mind. I wish someone could give me that will power!

So I'm pretty proud of myself for how I did yesterday. I didn't cheat, and it felt fantastic! After I wrote, I managed to keep myself pretty busy, and succeeded, so I didn't eat anything else. I did have a tall Starbucks vanilla nonfat latte, though, so that counts as my snack. 


Sure enough, when I got home, I was STARVED. I was so hungry I wanted to raid the kitchen and eat everything. Instead, as I was waiting for dinner, I had a few handfuls of that granola I was talking about. For dinner, I had corn, roasted potatoes, and a veggie burger. Not too bad, I don't think. 


I did Wii Fit for the first time after dinner. GOD that thing made me depressed! I'll only admit this on here, but my age according to the Wii was 40. That's disgusting!!!!! And I was not at all happy with my weight or my BMI. So I will now be using the Wii on nights when I get home from my internship, or days I don't have time to go to the gym. It's not a huge calorie burner, but it's better than nothing. I worked out for about a half hour, doing strength training and yoga. I was actually very surprised by how sore I felt afterwards. I didn't think it would really work, but I guess I was wrong. I had a cherry Italian Ice as I watched a movie. 


Today I have been doing pretty well also. I finally made it to the gym! I worked out pretty hard on the elliptical for a half hour and then did some weights, focusing on my arms since I had just worked out my legs before and last night. When I came home, I was once again starving, but I fought off the cravings to eat everything in sight. I made scrambled eggs with cheese on an English muffin, and also had an apple with peanut butter. I was still hungry after, so I had 3 plain rice cakes. I'm not eating again until right before work, and maybe I'll have a little something after work, depending on how hungry I am. 


Tomorrow I plan on hitting the gym again and continuing to eat better. I already feel so much better about myself. Last night, I didn't go to sleep feeling disgusted with myself and with what I had eaten. I didn't go to sleep with a stomach ache either. I went to sleep feeling good about what I had eaten. I want to feel that way every night. The sense of accomplishment makes me so happy. I don't want to give that away just for some fattening foods! I'll write later to make sure I stay on track! 

I know I do this all the time - start a diet, write about it full of excitement, and then end it in a day. But this time I really desperately want it to be different. No - I actually NEED it to be different. I think it will be good for me to blog about it. I haven't had any dieting success in months. Things keep coming up and I keep procrastinating. But now, not only is summer around the corner, but I'm also completely miserable about how I look. It's getting warmer every day, and I find myself sticking to jeans, leggings, and long sleeved shirts to cover up my body. That can't go on much longer, and I don't want to feel horrible about myself every time I go out. I'm the only one who can change this and I NEED to do this for myself!

So I'm really starting today. I don't have much time before I'll be at the beach in a bathing suit - and I really don't want to feel extremely fat on the beach.

This morning, I woke up excited to start eating better. I didn't really get a chance to have breakfast, as I was running out the door to make the train. When I got to Us Weekly, I got my usual triple grande nonfat vanilla latte from Starbucks - I think I'm going to cut that down to just a plain latte, which will cut down on some sugar. I also grabbed a yogurt and fruit parfait with granola, about 300 calories. I didn't finish it, but it was better than no breakfast at all.

I had a pretty good lunch. I went to Pret a Mange and got a soup and half a sandwich. I like Pret because you can get half sandwiches there, and it has all the calories, and everything is usually pretty healthy. I got a miso soup, which is extremely healthy and only 50 calories - and it's basically all soybeans, so it's realtively filling. I also got half a falafel sandwich - it was on wheat bread, with tomatos, spinach, some kind of dressing and onions. I wasn't sure how it would be, but it was delicious and I believe it was only a little over 200 calories. So my lunch was filling and healthy, with really no sugar at all. I'm trying to get myself out of my current lunch habit, which is to eat something pretty healthy but ruin it with cheese and with a snack. I usually eat salads, but I can't help but put some cheese in there. And then I usually grab a bag of chips to go along with the meal. It's a waste.

Honestly, I'm still a little hungry after that lunch. It was really good, but there wasn't much to it. However, I know that I need to eat less, and that eating less will mean being hungry more. Especially at first. I need to just push through it. I'm at Us, trying to distract myself from the hunger. For later, I have a healthy cranberry-almond granola to munch on. I'm thinking that right before I get on the train, I'll buy a fruit salad to hold me over until dinner.

The other thing I have to work on is pigging out when I get home. I'll walk in the door starving for dinner, and instead of waiting for it to be ready, I'll start eating anything I can get my hands on: spare Oreos, handfuls of walnuts, cheese, pieces of cake. It's so dumb. So I need to just stop doing that.

Hopefully I won't get home too late, and then I would love to do some Wii Fit tonight after dinner. Even if it's just yoga or pilates, it will make me feel better. And I definitely plan on eating the gym in the am, whether it's getting up early enough to make the morning classes or spending some time on the elliptical and doing my own weights.

I really hope I can do this. I'll have to think of some inspirational things I can look at or think about each time I have a really bad craving for something bad. I'll keep you updated.

Schedule

Okay. I am really going to do this this time. I am going to write a schedule of things I can eat each day, like a food plan. It sounds a little restricting, but the other time I did this, it actually worked pretty well. I'm going to record it in my blog, so here goes: the schedule for this week, starting today.

Tuesday, March 16:
Breakfast:
-3 egg whites on a multi-grain sandwich thin, 2 slices of provolone cheese
-1 grapefruit
-1 small apple

Lunch:
-Salad. Oil & vinegar for dressing, some nuts, some asiago cheese, maybe add some tuna, wrap in a tortilla.
Snack with lunch:
-small apple with peanut butter.

Dinner:
-a wrap or salad from Fresh Portions.

Dessert:
-small ice cream bar.


Wednesday, March 17:
Gym: Before breakfast.

Breakfast:
-oatmeal with apple, nuts, a little maple syrup.
-grapefruit.

Lunch:
-Salad.
Snack with lunch:
-Carrots and hummus.

Snack before work:
-tall non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks.

Dinner:
-Stir-fried veggies with rice.


Thursday, March 18:
Breakfast:
-Fiber 1 granola bar.
-Fruit smoothie.
-non-fat vanilla latte.

Lunch:
-Salad I bring to work.
Snack:
-100-calorie pack rice cakes.
-Carrots with hummus.

-100-calorie pack almonds.

Dinner:
-TBA

Another week went by...

So another week of not eating right went by. I did so good last Monday, and then the rest of the week was a fail. I don't really know what happened. I guess I just felt like I had no motivation. But yesterday was a beautiful day - sunny and almost warm (compared to the chilly winter we've been having here in New York), and it made me think of spring and summer. Suddenly, I got scared. It's the beginning of March, and the winter went by extremely fast. This only makes me realize that in 2 months time, I will be laying in the sand at the beach with all of my friends and other people I do not know practically naked in a bikini. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of me. At the moment, I don't even go out in short-sleeved shirts because of how much I hate my body. I've been hiding in black leggings and long sleeved shirts all winter long, but I can't do that in the summer. And there's no way I am spending the summer worrying about how I look. Let's get that over with now.

So today, I am really ready to start eating healthy and working out. Tomorrow I even have the time to go to my favorite classes at the gym without waking up early, so I need to take advantage of that. And I'm trying to cut down the eating at the internship. I bought all my own food today! I'm very proud of myself. Yesterday, me and my mom bought some containers for food that have freezer gel in them so they keep the food cold all day. We found a perfect one for salads, so now I get the double bonus of making my own healthy salad and saving a little money instead of buying one.

Today I brought in baby carrots with hummus for dipping, a salad with some walnuts, Asiago cheese and balsamic vinagerette, a Fiber-1 granola bar, and a 100-calorie bag of mini caramel dipped rice cakes for when I have a sweet tooth craving. I had the granola bar for breakfast... when I got here, they had actually ordered breakfast for the office, so there were dishes of all kinds of yummy breakfast indulgences. Even though I desperately wanted the hash browns, I stayed away, instead just filling a small plate with fruit and melon. I had the granola bar and a non-fat vanilla latte a little bit later. I'm going to have my salad for lunch in a few minutes and then I'll probably munch on the carrots and save the rice cakes for around 4 or 5 in the afternoon when I start to get hungry again.

I feel pretty good about bringing in my own food. I think I'm going to start just bringing in enough money for my train ticket and my morning coffee, that way I'm not tempted to buy something. The only problem with that though is that I then worry about being in the city with no money. Maybe I'll carry a few extra dollars on me, but I think it would be a good idea to try to just bring in exactly what I need.

I hope I can do good today! I really do. I want to be proud of my body when it comes time to put a bathing suit on... I don't want to feel fatter than everyone else. I'm going to try so hard, and I will think of the summertime every step of the way. 

Hello again

It's been a while! I have to admit that I got very side-tracked from my diet, and, well... basically went off it altogether. =( I'm disappointed in myself, because this is my biggest problem: I do so good for a few weeks, start to make progress, and then go right back into the same old stuff. I hate it! I want to stop doing that! 

But for right now, I'm back on the diet/exercise thing. I could sit here and make excuses for why I got back into my old habits - I've been super busy, I've been working kind of weird hours, I've been stressed out. But I won't focus on those, because they only make it seem like it's okay. And it's not. I should be eating healthy no matter how busy, stressed, or tired I am. 

So today, I am finally doing good. After a few weeks of eating horribly bad foods for me at all moments of the day (hi 4 boxes of Valentines day chocolates, many late-night drunk munchies, period cravings and depressed eating), I have pretty much made myself feel like shit. This is nothing new. If I go a few weeks eating that badly, with pretty much no nutritional value in anything, I feel sick all the time. My stomach has been hurting like crazy, I've been tired and low on energy, and I've been breaking out. Today, I am trying to reverse this process. 

In an attempt to eat better, I have tried to look at all aspects of my life when I really do not eat good so I can change that. So, here is where my bad habits come from: 

1. Internship
The Problem: The sad thing is is that I thought I did pretty okay here. But now that I'm looking at it, not really. I don't eat that much, but since I'm here for so long, I normally end up grabbing unhealthy snacks. The morning lattes should be my one indulgence of the day, since I am so unwilling to give up Starbucks. I ruin my relatively okay eating (salads or a healthy sandwich for lunch) with a bag of chips added in. And then later on in the day, when the late afternoon hunger/boredom cravings kick in, I grab more unhealthy snacks from the vending machine. So those unhealthy snacks need to stop. 
What I Can Do: Bring my own snacks and my own lunch in. Not only will this save me calories, but it will also save me money. I can bring in healthier snacks, like a banana, apple, orange (fruit that's easy to carry around all day), almonds, rice cakes, carrot sticks... anything healthy to munch on instead of chips. 

2. Late Nights
The Problem: This happens especially when I work at Outback. Since I work through dinner hours, I come home hungry and tired and willing to eat anything that's quick and easy. Sometimes that means skipping dinner and just eating junk food. And it sucks. 
What I Can Do: Try to skip the meal. This is what I would like to do, because eating late at night is just bad. But if I'm really, really hungry, I'll have to suck it up and make something healthy. I can stock up on those frozen veggies that you just microwave, which is quick and painless and takes the same amount of time as making popcorn does. 

3. When Alcohol Is Involved 
The Problem: The drunk munchies. A problem for every girl trying to diet who also loves to party. Not to mention the alcohol itself. I normally drink beer, because I am constantly broke and it's the cheapest thing to buy. And when I get drunk, I just really want to eat. And I never want to eat carrots or cheese sticks or something like that... just to give you an idea, my favorite drunk food is nacho cheese Dorritos on a buttered roll from 7-11. A truly amazing combination that I would never want to eat sober, and I do not want to know the calorie count. Another favorite? Stouffer's frozen mac n cheese. These are the things I have when drunk. 
What I Can Do: Don't eat after going out. It's hard to resist when alcohol has taken over, but I just have to remember. And I should also stop drinking so much. If I do, I should just splurge and buy a glass of wine or a vodka/cranberry instead of beer. 

4. When I'm Bored
The Problem: I don't have anything else to do, so I eat. I rummage through my kitchen counters, refrigerator, freezer, anything there, searching for something interesting to eat. Like that is going to keep me entertained. 
What I Can Do: Find something else to do when bored! Do anything that will occupy my hands. 

5. When Watching TV 
The Problem: Eating while watching TV has become such a habit for me that it is to the point where I can't watch without eating. And this is by far the worst trap for me, because I watch a lot of TV and movies. I always reach for the worst things... nachos, popcorn with butter, ice cream, chips of any kind, cookies, chocolate... you name it, I will eat it. I just need to have something to eat or watching TV just isn't as enjoyable to me. I know that's in my head and I know I made myself feel like that, but I still can't stop. 
What I Can Do: Slowly make myself get used to watching TV without eating. And if I have to eat, I'll eat something healthy. 

6. When I'm Depressed 
The Problem: I'm miserable, I want something to make me feel better, food is there. And the worst thing is is that in the end, eating only makes me feel worse. 
What I Can Do: I don't know about this one. 

So there you have it. I'm doing better today. In attempt to solve the first problem, I brought my own snacks to the internship today. I bought 3 plain rice cakes, an orange, and a bag of 100 calorie almonds. I also brought a bottle of water. So far today, it's almost 5... I had a latte for breakfast, along with a Starbucks mango-macadamia nut granola bar, which was delicious. I didn't eat lunch until after 2, and I got a salad from Bread Cafe - mixed greens with olives, chickpeas, broccoli, and cheddar cheese with a light oil and vinegar dressing. Besides the cheese, pretty good! I had the 3 rice cakes I bought with my lunch. I'm pretty hungry right now, so I think I'll be eating the orange in a few minutes. I brought the almonds too because I'm pretty sure I'll be staying here late, so I can munch on those in a few hours. 

I hope I can keep up with this this time! I would love to wake up and go to the gym tomorrow. When Fashion Week was going on, I literally had no time to get to the gym, so I haven't been in a while. But hopefully I can force myself out of bed for a little step and total body tomorrow morning! 

I'll update with what happens. I like writing about this stuff in here. It makes me feel a teensy bit better about everything.

Beautiful Blogger!

Woohoo! I was tagged as a Beautiful Blogger by Melissa. Thanks girlie!

Okay, so now I'm pretty sure I have to say 7 random things about myself. So here goes:

1. I am obsessed with TV shows. But usually only on DVD. I can go through seasons and seasons of one TV show like their water. And almost every one I watch, I love. I recently watched all the seasons of Friends and Sex and the City. I am now addicted to: The Office, Lost, Gossip Girl, Greys Anatomy, Entourage, Californication, Weeds, and more. I am constantly finding them to watch free online or buying seasons of new shows. It's one of my favorite things to do.

2. Wet paper/paper towels make me gag. I have no idea why, but just seeing them makes me squirm and feel sick. It's the weirdest thing ever. And touching them? Forget about it.

3. I have a problem with cracking my knuckles. It is slightly out of control. I crack every part of my fingers and hands you can imagine, and when I'm bored, I do it over and over again. I will regret this later in life, I'm sure. Also, it annoys EVERYONE.

4. I have only been in 1 serious relationship. For 5 years, I had the same boyfriend, who was also my first boyfriend. I have not had a legit relationship since then. Of course I've been with other people and have casually dated them, but nothing serious. I kind of enjoy it, but sometimes it's lonely.

5. There is nothing I don't add salt to. I put it on salads, pizza, pasta, popcorn, sandwiches, fish, rice, bread with butter, eggs, potatoes... almost anything I eat, I add a lot of salt to it. It's gotten to the point where I can't enjoy something without the taste of salt. It's a terrible habit.

6. The beach calms me down more than anything. No matter how upset I am, I can go to the beach and feel better. It is my ultimate comfort zone, and it's my favorite place in the world.

7. My biggest pet peeve is when people are rude. I am an extremely polite person. I am not pushy, aggressive, or nosy, and I speak to people with respect. I am NEVER rude, unless I'm have a horrible day, and that rarely happens. So I cannot stand when people are rude and don't consider anyone's feelings but their own. It drives me absolutely insane and will make me instantly dislike a person.

And now I get to tag 7 people. Here you are:

Jillian - http://peaceluvmunchies.wordpress.com/

Gina: http://fitnessista.com/

http://www.loveveggiesandyoga.com/

Tena: http://methinner.blogspot.com/

Deb: http://smoothiegirleatstoo.blogspot.com/

Lara: http://www.thinspiredblog.com/

Heather: http://healthhappinesshope.wordpress.com/

Now, onto food! I'm a bit off schedule, so I need to write about yesterday.

Sadly, I did not do that well. Remember those drinks I had Tuesday night? They came back to haunt me all day Wednesday. I was hungover, and had a horrible tummy ache all day =( I had a bagel for breakfast in an attempt to soak up the alcohol, but that was all I had all day because after that my stomach hurt too much. I made that minestrone soup for dinner for my grandparents, the amazing one that I fell in love with. I had 2 small bowls and a little bit of salad, but that was all. I had a tiny piece of carrot cake for dessert.

I don't think I did that bad, because I didn't eat much, and the bagel was the worst thing. But I would have liked to do better.

My stomach has been bothering me today too! It's not that I'm in pain, it's that I have no appetite, and eating is just bothering it more. So I've barely eaten this whole day. I had a cheese stick on the train ride into NYC, and then my usual triple-grande non-fat vanilla latte from Sbucks. I felt a little light-headed at around 2, so I ate a Fiber-One granola bar. I figured I should eat something a bit more substantial, so I bought a brown rice salad from Bread Market. It was small, but it was really yummy, with lots of veggies. And don't ask me why, but I thought potato chips might help matters, so I had half a bag of plain ones. They didn't. So that's all I've eaten all day, and I might have some veggies for dinner, but right now I think I'd be okay if I didn't eat for the rest of the night.

I've had stomach problems for as long as I can remember, but that doesn't make them any less annoying. A few years ago, I had my gall bladder removed. The experience was terrible, other than the fact that I lost almost 40 pounds. I was sick for a long time before I had surgery, and sometimes I would go 2 or 3 days only eating ONE thing. I have had ulcer problems for a few years, so it's not surprising that I feel sick after a night of drinking - alcohol never sits well with me, so I try not to drink a lot. And when I go a few weeks without drinking and then get drunk, it always bothers my stomach.

So I'm just feeling kind of uncomfortable. I know it's not good to not eat, but when I can't bring myself to when I feel like this.

Random news, but I read in Self magazine that drinking non-fat lattes in the morning are proven to keep women fuller throughout the day. Woohoo! I have a non-fat latte almost every morning from Starbucks, and I have to say, it does keep me pretty satisfied.

Oh wait! I went to the gym yesterday! I was very proud of myself, because I made it there even through my hungover state. I did a Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift class, so it was all toning (just imagining cardio was making my stomach hurt even more). But it was a good class and it definitely helped make up for that stupid bagel I ate.

Okay, goodbye blogging world! I'll be updating tomorrow, hopefully with pictures!

yesterday's food adventures

I never got the chance to write last night, but I have pictures of all the food I ate yesterday! So I might as well post them now instead of wasting them, right? 


Yesterday I also went to the gym. I did a Step class and a class called Core on the Ball. Both of them were awesome! I worked out my abs like crazy in the ball class but it felt amazing. Step was really hard, complicated moves, but I absolutely love when the class is like that so I was happy. I had a lot of fun. It was a really great workout! 


On to the food: 

I had one of my favorite breakfasts: 3 egg whites on a toasted multi-grain sandwich thin with a little bit of mixed cheese melted on top. So yummy!

I added a Light & Fit yogurt to keep me full, and the Key Lime is my favorite flavor. It's so refreshing! I ended up not finishing it, but it was still good.

I also had some tea with lemon and honey because my throat was still bothering me a little. Tea with lemon and honey is so soothing and delicious. It's my favorite way to have it.

For lunch I had Amy's Organic Split Pea soup. So so good! Like I've said before, I love Amy's soups. Their organic, vegan, low-fat, and always delicious. The split pea is awesome because it's hard to find vegetarian split pea soup that's still flavorful, since most places make it with ham.

I read the January issue of Self while I ate =) Carrie Underwood is such a diet inspiration.

I don't really know why this is upside down, but whatever. I ate a Cliff bar before the gym in a desperate attempt to get some energy to work out. I was exhausted. I don't know if it was my imagination or if it really did work, but either way, I suddenly had a lot of energy working out. And this flavor was sooo good - White Chocolate Macadamia Nut. MMMmmmm I will definitely be buying more.

For dinner, I had a big salad. I was feeling so good from the gym that I wanted something healthy. I added some tuna, Craisins, walnuts, Asiago cheese, and balsamic vinegar and oil. It was really really good.

I ended up going out after my after-dinner snack (popcorn - guilty). I had a few beers and one shot. I didn't have any drunk munchies, but I did drink a little more than I wanted. :-/ I was kind of disappointed because I did so good all day but whatever.

Almost time for dinner! I'll write later about my day today =)

Creepy...

Seriously, no matter how much I want to change my weight and sometimes my appearance, I am so, so glad that I would never ever do something this creepy:

I mean, what was she THINKING??? She looks fake and plastic and like a wax person in the wax museum. It just creeps me out to no end. Like, that is NOT what Heidi looks like. Ugh.

last night

Good morning! I just wanted to write about the end of my day yesterday really quickly...

I ended up having to stay at the Us Weekly office until 7:20. Eeek. I had to stay later than normal (I usually get out at 6ish) to do a very stereotypical intern duty - get the editors coffee. It sucks, but every Monday 2 interns have to stay later to go to the Starbucks 2 blocks away and pick up coffee for the editors, since they need to stay way later to finish the issue. Since I had to stay later, I had to refuel with some coffee, but I didn't get it from Starbucks. I opted for Bread Market coffee, since a medium is only .89 cents, as compared to Starbucks $5! And since I knew I wouldn't make it home for dinner until around 9, I had to have a little snack, so I searched the vending machine until I found something relatively healthy (and probably the healthiest thing in there), honey wheat pretzel sticks.

I got home at 9, and my wonderful mother had dinner waiting for me. She made me whole wheat pasta with broccoli rabe, and it was DELISH! I couldn't even finish the whole bowl it was so filling, and it was very yummy. And the best thing was that I had nothing else to eat the rest of the night.

Today I had planned on going to the gym in the morning, but reconsidered and got my shift at Outback covered so I could go in the afternoon. I'm really sick of Outback and probably going to look for new jobs today.

Also, today I have the time and luxury to take pictures of what I'm eating. Woohoo! So there will be a long post with pictures tonight.

Oh wait! My mom picked this book up yesterday, Cook This, Not That. It's really crazy to read! There are so many helpful tips in there. Some of the things they say not to eat are really surprising. I've read the other ones, Eat This Not That, but this one is cool because it gives you recipes. It compares the recipes to dishes in well-known restaurants, including Outback. When I saw the calorie count of some of the restaurant food, I almost had a heart attack thinking about how I've eaten it before and thought I was eating something relatively healthy. Anyway it's a fun book, I'm sure I'll try some of the recipes.

distractions...

Sorry I haven't written in a few days! I'm disappointed in myself, but my sinus problems have been acting up so badly that I have mostly just been being a bum at home. And if I'm going to be honest, not eating very well. I've been so sick that I haven't been able to go out with my friends, so I've just been kind of miserable, bored and lonely. And you know what that usually leads to.

But this is a new week, so I'm really going to try hard. (I feel like I say this every Monday by the way)

I weighed myself this morning, which was a bad idea, because it was more than I wanted to see. But at least now I know - I want to lose 7 pounds in a few weeks. That won't bring me to my goal weight (I still want to lose at least 10 more after that), but it sounds so much less intimidating when I break it up that way. If I can lose 7 pounds, I will be very very happy. And with my tiny frame, those 7 lost pounds will for sure make a difference.

The thing is, is that I had wanted to lose those pounds by now. I have my little cousin's Sweet 16 coming up next weekend, and I have to wear a tiny dress in front of the majority of my family. The week after that, I have my other cousin's wedding. I actually just bought a new dress for that - it's shimmery gold with a plunging neckline, relatively short and also sleeveless. I hate sleeveless, because I hate my arms, but honestly the rest of the dress looks pretty decent and flatters my body. So I guess I'll suck it up or try to find a wrap to wear.

I'm interning today, so I can't take pictures of my food =( I mean, I could, but I guess I would feel a little awkward doing that right in the middle of the office. So I'll just say what I ate.

Breakfast: I missed my train, so I had time to come home and eat something. I had 1 egg white fried and nibbled on a half of a toasted multi-grain sandwich thin. When I got into NYC, I got my usual, a triple grande skim vanilla latte. I didn't have my Fiber-One granola bar until around noon, to hold me over so I could have a late lunch.

Lunch: I had a yummy salad from Bread Market. It was mixed greens with roasted cauliflower, walnuts, shredded mozzarella, and balsamic vinagrette. It was really good and I don't think it was that bad, right? It was pretty filling. Afterwards, I munched on a small bag of BBQ Baked Lays. I know chips should be off limits, but sometimes I need them in my life.

I haven't had any snacks yet except for a medium coffee I've been nursing for the past hour and a half. I will probably end up getting something out of the vending machine before the end of my day, because I don't get home until so late. Usually I bring a piece of fruit just for the late afternoon, but we had none at home today. I hope I can have some whole-wheat pasta with veggies for dinner, and I will make sure that tides me over for the rest of the night!

The topic of pasta brings me to something else. I am kind of stealing an idea from a website I read, but not really. I'm considering giving something different up for like 2 weeks every 2 weeks. Here are my ideas:

-Give up carbs.
-Give up soda.
-Give up fruit juice.
-Give up Starbucks (oh, the horror!)
-Give up potato chips.
-Give up cheese.
-Give up tea loaded with sugar.
-Give up chocolate.

I think it might be kind of a cool experiment. My hope is that after those 2 weeks, I will get used to not having those things and might not need them as much. The only thing I'm worried about is that backfiring, and after the two weeks I go on a binge where I eat exactly what I gave up. But I don't think I will let that happen. I'd like to try it - plus it will give me something to blog about.

Sorry this has been a long post with no pictures to speed up the process! (If anyone is even reading this)

Productive day

Hi guys! So today I started taking pictures of the food I was eating, taking a lesson from my fellow food bloggers. It made making all my meals a little bit more interesting kind of, because it kind of made me think about making them look nice. Haha I know that sounds silly, but it also made me a little bit more excited to eat! 


I did pretty good today. I haven't been feeling too well the past few days, I have a little sinus infection, so that's why I haven't been updating much. Today, whenever I ate, I ate slowly and tried to enjoy each bite. And my dinner tonight was so yummy and satisfying that I actually didn't even need seconds! 

For breakfast I made myself some oatmeal with Craisins, fresh blueberries, walnuts and a little maple syrup. I usually leave the oatmeal to my mom for weekend mornings, because she makes it so good, but I have to say it was delish! The maple syrup gave it a nice little sweetness and it was so packed with yummy add-ins that it didn't taste plain at all. Plus, it filled me up and kept me full for a while.

As a snack I had these little guys (took the recipe from that 100-calorie snack cookbook). They were SO SO SO yummy and both of them are 100 calories together. I def recommend this snack! It was filling, sweet and sugary, and so good. Here's how their made: 2 thin slices of apple, 2 tsp of peanut butter, cut up banana slices, blueberries, and 1/8 tsp each of sugar and cinnamon. You just put the peanut butter on the apple, put the bananas on top, sprinkle the sugar and cinnamon on there, and then add the blueberries. Ta-da! A yummy little snack!

Lunch was a little later in the afternoon, and I just had some Amy's Organic Lentil Soup. I love Amy's soups because their vegetarian and usually vegan, and their the best canned soups I've ever had. For a long time, I was scarred by memories of watery Campbells and Progresso soups that had no taste, so I stopped eating canned soups despite how easy and fast they are. But Amy's is awesome because it's tasty, healthy, organic and vegetarian! I love the Lentil soup, it's so hearty and satisfying. I had some Bagel Chips on the side to dip in.

And I just LOVED my dinner tonight. I made whole wheat pasta with Swiss chard and broccoli. It was my first time making and eating Swiss chard, and I really loved it - definitely the new vegetable staple in my house. It's like spinach and escarole, but a little bit more satisfying and filling. It was great with the pasta - very, very good! I loved the whole meal. I made it for myself because my mom made chicken cutlets for the rest of the family... but everyone ended up being pretty jealous of my little dinner =)

I snacked on a few things in between lunch and dinner, I had a handful of mini rice cakes and a Smartfood popcorn 100-calorie bag, but I think that was it. So over all, I think I did good today! The only thing I'm bummed about is that I didn't go to the gym. I just haven't been feeling well all week, Monday I even left my internship early, and I really want to get better. Plus, I spent over 3 hours cleaning and organizing my room today! But I still should have gone... I promise I will make up for that though!

For the rest of the night, I will probably be watching re-runs of Lost! I can't wait until the new season comes on, I'm really obsessed with that show! I might stop at the bar my friends are going to and grab a glass of red wine - just 1 though, and only for like an hour, because I have to be up early tomorrow for the internship.

Goodnight everybody!

baaaaadd weekend

Okay so this weekend I really disappointed myself. I did a horrible job on my diet, especially Saturday! =( It makes me feel really sad because I did SO good all week and made so many improvements. I feel like I threw it all away this weekend. This is what usually happens when Saturday rolls around though. I wake up later than normal, don't go to the gym, and eat badly. Ugh. I guess I'll get it over with and write the gory details down. I'm hoping it will make me think about it more next weekend, so I don't make the same mistakes! 

Saturday: 
I just did not do a good job. For one thing, I had planned on going to the gym in the morning - I had an ambitious schedule, starting with 9:30 Step, then 10:15 Total Body, then 11:00 Zumba. Unfortunately, I went out the night before, and came back later than I wanted. I slept through my alarm and woke up at 10:20 and just couldn't get myself to go to Zumba. So... the day started off good, with oatmeal with cranberries, walnuts and apples for breakfast.... but it went downhill from there. I was STARVING all day Saturday, like no matter what I ate, it was just not enough. I had a snack in between breakfast and lunch, rice cakes with Laughing Cow light cheese wedge, which wasn't that bad, but still - I NEVER snack in between breakfast and lunch. Then for lunch I had the last bowl of minestrone soup, which is healthy, but wait for it. I showered and had to be at work by 3, so I ate before work in an effort to control my hunger at work. I had leftover dinner from the other night, whole wheat pasta with broccoli and asparagus. I ate so fast I doubt my stomach even registered the food, then went to 7-11 and got a medium coffee with too much sugar. At work, I just couldn't stop. I was munching on things here and there and it was awful. 

First of all, someone brought in dark chocolate covered pomegranate candies, and those were just my downfall. They were amazingly good, and I had barely treated myself to anything rich all week. I tried to avoid them for the first few hours, but my hunger and curiosity got the best of me. After hearing, "Oh my God, these are so GOOD" for the billionth time, I finally gave in and tried one. And they really were delicious. I told myself I would only have a few, but then I kept reaching in the bag. I justified it by thinking, their very tiny, dark chocolate isn't that bad for you, and pomegranate is a fruit. Hah. Even I knew it was pathetic as I was doing it. But it didn't stop there. I was just so hungry! I kept grabbing pieces of broccoli (which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the mound of butter Outback added to their vegetables) and even had a spoonful of mashed potatoes and a few handfuls of cheese. 

But the worst came at night. I came home and ate some more snacks. Then I went out with some friends, where I had 1 Corona. Wait for the worst part - we went to the diner later on, after we uh... smoked a little. I ordered a side of fries and ate almost the whole thing, complete with honey mustard and ketchup. 

Ugh. I felt AWFUL the next morning. I woke up with my stomach hurting, and I just felt sick thinking about what I had eaten the day before. It was terrible. I was so so disappointed in myself =( 

Sunday: 
 I tried to do better, but the motivation just wasn't really there. Because my stomach was bothering me, I didn't even have a real breakfast - just eating some whole wheat Chex out of the box and a handful of walnuts. I snacked most of the day, eating plain rice cakes, a pack of Smart Food popcorn, and pretzels. For lunch I had Amy's organic vegetable barley soup and rice cakes. I probably had another snack after that, but I honestly don't remember. I had whole wheat pasta with eggplant and a salad for dinner. Really, that was a good dinner. But then after dinner I was still hungry. I had tea with too much sugar and some popcorn. 

I'm just disappointed because I know I could have done better. Looking back on it, I didn't do TOO horrible. The chocolates and the french fries were definitely the worst things. Everything else wasn't too horrible, it was just that I wasn't paying attention to portion control at all. And I'm mad that I didn't have the motivation to work out. I wish I did better this weekend, but I'll make up for it but doing really great this whole week! 

So far today, I've eaten: 

Breakfast: 
-triple grande non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks 
-Fiber 1 strawberry and oats granola bar 

I'm interning today so I can't work out. I would later, but I really just do not feel good. I took some Vitamin-C pills, and I have a thing of cough drops in front of me, so hopefully I will start feeling better. But today is just not looking good. It's not even noon and I'm already incredibly exhausted. I feel slightly feverish and my throat is irritated and really bothering me. I'm light-headed and feeling a little dizzy and very stuffed up. I wish I would feel better because I absolutely need to go to the gym in the morning - besides, its Step and Total Body, 2 of my favorites. 

Hopefully being sick will help curb my appetite! Ha ha. I know that's not really great to wish for, but oh well!

summer comes pretty fast!

I want these bathing suits. And they WILL be mine for the summer. So these are my current motivation for weight loss: 

And if I could look even CLOSE to like that in them, I'll be pretty freaking happy!

motivation, motivation!

Okay so I lied and did not wake up bright and early this morning for Step class or Total Body. I actually slept through my 9 am alarm (something that probably had to do with waking up at 6:30 am yesterday then working until 6:30 with 1 cup of coffee and no naps). You know when your so exhausted you barely remember pressing the off button? Yeah, that's what I did. Instead, I woke up at 11, feeling slightly dazed and confused... and then very disappointed that I had slept through both classes - the night before I was actually looking forward to taking them! 


Now, usually, my routine after missing the morning classes would be: nothing. I would make breakfast, watch a little TV, and probably take a nap before my waitressing job. But today, I didn't do that! I actually went downstairs and popped in the new workout DVD I got for Christmas, Denise Austin's Cardio Blast. Ah, the powers of motivation! 

I have to say, I really liked it. She wasn't that annoying, and it was pretty fun. It was all cardio, which I normally don't do - I usually add in weights. But this had kickboxing and dancing and stuff like that. The only annoying thing was to watch her and the other perfect girls go along to the tape, their hair staying neatly in place (not even in a ponytail) and not a drop of sweat appearing on any of them. Meanwhile, I'm wearing old Jones Beach shorts and a see through t-shirt, my hair in a gross, greasy ponytail, and sweat dripping off every inch of my body. Oh well! 


So I did that for about 45 minutes, and thought it was a pretty decent workout. Much better than doing nothing, that's for sure! 


What I Ate Today: (So far) 
Breakfast: 
-1 whole egg and 2 egg whites, scrambled and mixed with spinach and a little red pepper. (See, told you I liked that recipe!) also, 1 apple and a cup of Chai tea. The Chai tea probably wasn't the best idea, cause I added a lot of sugar =/ 


Snack:  
-fruit smoothie, taken out of my 100-calorie Snack book... so it was only 100 calories! It's pretty yummy and I would definitely make it again, so here's the recipe if you're interested: 
Blend together 5 frozen or unfrozen strawberries, 1 kiwi chopped up, 1 teaspoon of shredded coconut, and 1/4 cup of orange juice. It doesn't make that much, but you see, I always think I need a big smoothie and never end up finishing it! So this ended up being perfect. 


Lunch: 
-1 bowl of that leftover amazing minestrone soup I made a few nights ago. Still just as yummy! 


Now I have to go to stupid work. I guess I've never really written about what I do.... so I will quickly now. I'm a waitress at Outback Steakhouse, where I've worked for over 3 years. I give Outback a lot of credit for making me gain weight. In case you've never been to an Outback, we have amazing bread, just so you know. That bread is also over 1,000 calories. That doesn't stop hungry employees from eating a whole one by themselves... something I admit I've done way too many times. Also, I worked there before I stopped eating meat, and since we work such weird hours (right through dinner time and until kind of late), I started eating dinner there all the time... fried coconut shrimp, chicken fingers, steaks, mashed potatoes, Buffalo chicken... you name it, I ate it. Not to mention the coffee I used to get everyday before work: a medium caramel latte from Dunkin Donuts, which I don't even want to KNOW the calorie count of. Oh, and the drinking after work... sugary cocktails at Applebees after a night of dealing with angry customers? I was always there. 


But I stopped eating meat over 2 years ago and so I also stopped eating everything at Outback. Except for the bread. But in the last few months, I've stopped that also. And I no longer get those caramel lattes everyday - I mean seriously, what was I THINKING? 


Anyway, I also want a real career working for a fashion magazine, so I've recently started interning at Us Weekly magazine. I don't get paid, I actually pay to get in the city to work there, but I absolutely love it. It takes up a lot of time, so I've cut my hours at Outback... thank God because I'm getting completely sick of that place! 


Anyway, that was a little about me! Time to get ready for work though... boooooo. 

busy as a little bee

I think I did a decent job today. 


What I Ate Today: 
Breakfast: was in a rush to make my train, and it was too early for me to eat, so I just grabbed something quick. 
-Fiber One strawberry granola bar (by the way, these are DELISH. I'm not a huge fan of granola bars, but I love these! Everyone should try them!) 
-triple grande nonfat vanilla latte from Starbucks 


Lunch: I put a lot of space in between lunch and breakfast. I try not to snack between those meals, because I'm most hungry in the afternoon, so I save my calories until then. 
-Salad: spinach leaves, walnuts, artichoke hearts and chickpeas, and a little bit of Parmesan cheese with balsamic vinagerette. 
-small piece of pumpernickel bread. 


Snack: 
-Craisins, pretzel thins, and white chocolate chips mixed together. I got the recipe from that 100-Calorie Snack Cookbook, but I ate a little bit more than one serving. It was nice to have something sweet though. 


Dinner: 
-whole wheat penne pasta with fresh broccoli and asparagus and some walnuts in a little oil and garlic. Very yummy! Broccoli is one of my favorite foods, and whole wheat pasta with veggies is one of my fav meals! Always fills me up and leaves me satisfied =) 


Water: 
1 16 ounce water bottle. :-/ 


Basically, I need more water, but other than that, I think I did a good job today. I wanted to save a snack for after dinner, like some popcorn, but I have kind of a stomach ache. Normally, I would force myself to eat the snack. I don't know why I do that, but I guess it's because I spend the whole day telling myself I can have it later, and I don't want to disappoint myself? I don't know, but I hate that I do that. Eating when you're not hungry only stretches your stomach! So I'm proud of myself that I didn't force myself to eat. 


No exercise today, and no exercise yesterday. I'm being a bit of a bum this week. I haven't exactly been feeling up to par, and yesterday my throat hurt and I was super sore from the gym the day before. Excuses, excuses. I promise myself I will be up early tomorrow for Step and Total Body!!