Day 2, Part 2

So I'm going to finish writing about yesterday!

For lunch, I made a big and delicious salad.

I mixed together romaine lettuce with radishes, jicama, avocados, kalamata olives, sunflower seeds, and broccoli. I also made my own dressing to put on it: 

It looks gross, but it's so yummy! It's made with nonfat plain yogurt, canola oil, fresh parsley, lemon juice and garlic. I don't think it's very fattening, and I like that I know exactly what's in my dressing.

So my salad was delicious! I am absolutely obsessed with jicama ever since I tried this winter salad recipe from Bon Appetit. This salad I made yesterday is a smaller version of it, and it's amazing. But seriously, jicama is my new favorite thing. I never thought a root could be so pleasantly sweet and crunchy and amazing. I want to add it to every salad I make!

After lunch I tried really, really hard not to eat. When I'm sitting around doing nothing is when I am most likely to eat just because I'm bored. I ended up having a Weight Watchers toffee ice cream bar. I don't think those are terrible for you and it's a nice way to calm my sweet tooth.

I wish I took a picture of the dinner I made, but I was in such a rush to eat it that I totally forgot! I picked a recipe off of Cooking Light and made it for my family: Orzo with zucchini and tomatoes. It was really really yummy but needed a protein -- it tasted more like a side dish. I sauteed fresh zucchini with canned diced tomatoes (which are actually delish!), roasted red peppers and some herbs. It mixed in with the cooked orzo and crumbled goat cheese, which made the whole dish creamy and wonderful, and a little pecorino romano cheese. It was really good and definitely something I will keep in mind for the future.

As the night went on I was still hungry -- my dinner just wasn't filling enough! I ended up getting a hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts. This wasn't as bad as what I would have ended up doing if I wasn't with Mark, because all I wanted was chips or mac and cheese. So I know the hot chocolate was a bad choice, but I don't know. It's hard to let go of so many bad habits at once!

I hope I can do good over the weekend! That's usually the hardest time for me, but I'm really going to try hard. I've found myself hungry a lot lately and I feel like that might be a good sign. Today I woke up STARVING, and while I know what I would LIKE for breakfast, I'm going to make something healthy. I'm also going to make that salad again for lunch and maybe have a small side of vegetarian chili to keep me filled up. For dinner, I'm not sure yet -- I kind of want to make something but I don't know what to make.

Also, I'm going out with my friends tonight. Lately, I don't have the urge to get wasted and drink everything in sight. I don't know why, exactly, but a part of it is that drinking honestly makes my stomach hurt really bad. I hate going home with that horrible feeling even after only drinking a little bit. So when I go out tonight, I'm probably going to have one drink and going to make it a vodka/cranberry or something. I just don't want to drink that much! 

Well I'll write about my food adventures today later! Wish me luck :)

Day 2

Last night wasn't terrible. After lunch, what I really wanted was some kind of dessert -- instead, I got a big fruit salad and a hazelnut coffee. The fruit salad was delicious -- I can't wait for the summer so fruit is in season and I can make my own at home! For the train ride home I was starving. Even though I really wanted a bag of fresh popcorn from Penn Station, I got dried apples and a Luna bar. Both kept me full through dinner -- my mom made vegetarian chili and I only had one bowl.

The vegetarian chili my mom makes is so yummy! It has all kinds of beans and is made with bulger wheat, so it's super super filling. All you need is a little cheese on top and it's a perfect warm meal. Since becoming a vegetarian, there are some things that I really miss, and chili has always been one of them. But this vegetarian one is almost as good!

Today had a great start.

For breakfast, I had a sliced pear, a sliced banana and 2 egg whites. It was really good, I love having fruit for breakfast! I also had a bowl of dried vanilla almond Special K and a cup of hazelnut coffee. I kind of wish I had skipped the cereal, but it did all keep me full.

I am now craving a big healthy salad! I LOVE when I crave healthy foods! I'm going to run to the food store and buy some avocados and olives and some other yummy things to put in the salad. I also want to make something super healthy for dinner -- but no ideas yet!

Lunch

I was starving for lunch today! I tried to wait as long as possible, but only made it to 1:00.

I went to City Chow, which is the cafe in the Equinox gym across the street from my building. Since it's in Equinox, I have to assume that it's pretty healthy. It tastes healthy, so hopefully it is!

I had three vegetable sides. I know I should probably get a little bit more protein into my lunch so it keeps filling me up, but I like the three sides thing. It keeps me pretty full.

I had roasted broccoli in lemon, brown rice with scallions radicchio and raisins, and cannellini beans, chickpeas, lima beans and zucchini in lemon. Everything was really delicious and healthy-tasting.

I love going to Equinox because it feels like I'm actually getting healthy food that I could have made myself. Anyway, it was so yummy and I didn't want it to end! I also got a bottle of water because I know I don't drink enough of it -- and I'm super tired today so I know I'm probably going to want to get coffee later, and I don't want to get dehydrated.

Bikini Season

Here is something I have learned about me: no matter what weight I am, I will always wear a bikini in the summer.

Nothing can keep me away from the beach, or away from baking in the sun on a towel in the sand. Even if I'm so concerned about my weight that I will refuse to wear tank tops without a sweater when going out, I will still show up to the beach in a tiny bikini.

I need to lose weight this year. Because even though I will wear that bikini, I will feel completely miserable in it.

I do NOT get the chance to relax at the beach. Instead, I lay there, thinking that every person who walks by is looking at me in disgust, thinking that anyone around me laughing is laughing at how fat I look in the bikini. I can't sit comfortably because I know I will just look fat. It makes me miserable, it honestly does.

Here are two bikinis I plan on ordering and I want to feel COMFORTABLE in them.

This is a huge part of my motivation to lose weight -- Operation Beach. 

New. AGAIN.

I could start this post off by writing about how much I suck at this whole weight loss thing and how and why I failed the last few times, but I really want a fresh start -- so I'm not going to do that.

I can't try any crazy diets this time. I love food and I love eating and I hate being bored with things. I need some sort of structure and I'm hoping writing in here will provide that. Here are my ideas for the weight loss I want before summer:

For Breakfast: Yogurt, egg whites, fruit. A big breakfast to fill me up, but all light things.

For Lunch: Salads, healthy sandwiches. Make my own lunch, not buy it.

For Snacks: Healthy, healthy, healthy.

For Dinner: Fish, vegetarian meals.

I'm going to try really hard not to eat after dinner. If I have to, popcorn or another low-calorie snack will have to do.

And, exercise. That's the most important thing.

Here goes.

Weight Watchers Results So Far

Hello! I have completed my first full week of Weight Watchers with good news: I lost 3.3 pounds! I'm really proud of myself!

I did okay this week - but I guess I did better than I thought! I started out the week doing awesome, doing everything right and not cheating, and working out. But by the end of the week, that stopped. Friday morning I got home a little later than normal and it threw off my routine. I didn't go to the gym, and I didn't feel like sticking to my diet - so I didn't. On Saturday, I had a bridal shower. I had pasta and salmon and a napoleon for lunch! It was extremely heavy - but then I didn't really eat anything else all day because I was so full. On Sunday, I didn't eat much but still didn't count points. I did do a little exercise though. So I have to say, I was surprised to lose the 3 pounds.

But it feels great! I know 3 pounds is not a lot, but it's just nice to have lost SOMETHING. It would have been such a let down to not lose anything in the first week. Those 3 little pounds are inspiring me to do EVEN BETTER this week! Imagine what I can lose if I work out everyday and eat right EVERY day and not just on the weekdays! I know that realistically, probably NOT much more than 3 pounds, but if I can lose 3 pounds each week, that is so much better than nothing.

I've done okay today. I actually have been so busy at my internship (I shouldn't even be writing in here right now), that I haven't even eaten or thought about eating. I had a venti non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks - 6 points right there! It looks like that's my breakfast, since it's already noon. I'm going to have soup from Hale & Hearty again for lunch and since I have the extra points available, maybe I'll get something else little. I was also going to run to Duane Reade or something to get some carrots for a snack later.

In related news, I just saw a picture of me on Facebook today that has inspired me to work even harder. As much as I REALLY don't want to, I'm posting it here:

EW. Like, what even IS that? Am I a turkey? I had no idea I had so many chins. Ugh. It just totally disgusts me. It makes me want to work out until I pass out and then never eat again.

Anyway. I needed to post that here for added inspiration. Maybe the next time I feel like eating chocolate or not counting points I'll remember this horrible picture. And then maybe I'll think about this bikini I desperately want to wear in the summer:

And I won't eat.

Weight Watchers

I've noticed that my own little "diets" haven't been working. There's no rules, there are no restrictions, there's no one 'watching' me to make sure I'm doing a good job. In other words, there's no structure. So, I decided to go back on Weight Watchers. I've had some success with WW before, so I decided to try it again.

Instead of doing the meetings, I did the online program. I'm a little worried about that - going to the meetings is inspirational, and the thought of someone else weighing me in also gives a little extra motivation. But I'm pretty busy with a weird work schedule, so I figured that the online program would just be easier.

I started yesterday with the points system. I weighed in at 137.9 pounds, which is lower than I thought I was, but still much too high for my height and body. At least it's not in the 140's - that way, if I even just lose 10 pounds in the next few months, I'll be in the 120's, and that's a less intimidating figure to go by.

I did decent yesterday. With this plan, I have to record everything I eat and get the points, which really makes me think hard about what I'm eating. I had enough time yesterday to plan out everything I was going to eat all day and to make both my lunch and dinner, which was a nice luxury.

So, yesterday. For breakfast I had 2 egg whites and a Fiber 1 bar, coming in at about 5 points. I like to start out my morning with low points - that way I don't feel stressed about the rest of the day. I made myself an AWESOME lunch. The only thing is, I ate earlier than I normally do, at like 12:30... so I was hungry too early. I need to eat lunch at around 1 or 1:30 from now on. Anyway, I got a yummy lunch recipe off of WeightWatchers.com. I figured since I was home with nothing else to do, I might as well make myself a nice little lunch. I made these pita sandwiches with hummus, cucumbers and lettuce in a lemon-dill dressing and with feta cheese. They were DELICIOUS. Definitely something I am going to have to make much more often! It was quick and easy and low points - only 8 for the whole pita. And it was filling. I really, really liked it.

I got hungry again by 2 though. I'm so used to mindlessly snacking that I guess I'm just hungry all the time. :( I wanted a healthy snack, but what I REALLY was craving was something bad for me. I tried to have an Eggo waffle with peanut butter spread on it, but it was disgusting and I couldn't finish it. I ate an orange and was still starving. So finally I caved and had some Eggo waffle cereal. I was so annoyed at myself but what can you do really?

I did get to go to the gym, which I was really happy about. I did a Step class and it was all cardio, kind of hard, and exhausting. It was pretty intense. That got me a few extra points.

Dinner was another delicious meal! I picked another recipe from WW, a kind of healthier fried rice. Brown rice, Swiss chard, carrots, scallions, ginger, snow peas, regular peas, and soy sauce - it was amazing. Seriously, I loved it. I had one and a half servings and could probably have had only one, but it was so yummy! It's definitely something I have to make more of. Vegetable fried rice is my absolute favorite thing to get at the Chinese place, and this was a much healthier alternative! Plus, I had leftovers. Since I'm interning today and will be home late, I'm just going to heat up one serving of that when I get home. I think I'll also make a salad full of veggies. I love that veggies and must fruits are only 0 points - I try to fill myself up on those when I'm hungry.

Oh! I also tried drinking a sip of water in between each bite during dinner last night. It slowed down my eating and definitely filled me up more. I was sooo full after dinner. And guess what? I went to the movies and didn't even get popcorn! That is an accomplishment - movie theater popcorn with butter is one of my favorite snacks EVER.

Today I have done okay. Not really a balanced breakfast and kind of high in points, but what can I say? I desperately need my coffee in the morning! I had my usual venti vanilla latte, but for the sake of points, I got it with nonfat milk. That was 6 POINTS. Ugh! Yes, I realize that that is wayyyyy too many points to be wasting on a liquid, but I LOVE my vanilla lattes! I don't want to give them up and I NEED the extra caffeine that comes in a venti!

I also had a Kellog fiber bar for breakfast, bringing my points total up to 9 so far. For lunch, I'm going to have 10 vegetable soup from Hale & Hearty - only 3 points for a large! I'm going to skip the bread though.

Knowing I was only going to have vegetable soup for lunch, I packed myself a little snack to get me through those 4-6 hunger pains: Carrots and snow peas. I also brought a bottle of water.

I just figured out that with my soup and my dinner tonight, that's all my points for the day! Those 9 points for breakfast are killing me. And tonight I really want to watch the Peoples Choice Awards so I don't even know if I'll have time to exercise! I need to figure out a no points salad to eat with dinner so I fill myself up enough!

I'll keep you updated on my progress. I know I always say that and then don't write in here for weeks, but I like Weight Watchers - so hopefully this will stick!

Day 3, Part 1

So last night wasn't terrible. Despite the fact that I had an entire day of doing nothing to prepare for my movie premiere, I was still running late to make the train. I ended up eating only one bowl of soup, although it was a decent size. And, because I was running late, I forgot to bring a granola bar! I was so disappointed when I realized, because I knew I'd be hungry after the movie. I ended up buying a bag of Pop Chips for the ride home, but I think where I really went wrong was with the Peach Iced Tea Snapple. I wish I didn't have so much sugar so late at night!

Moving on to today. There's not much to write about... it's been a pretty blah day. For breakfast, I had a venti vanilla latte from Starbucks and a Kellogs Fiber-1 bar in dark chocolate almond. Then for lunch I had butternut squash soup and half of a hummus wrap from Hale & Hearty. The soup was probably filled with calories, but it's my favorite one, and they don't always have it so I got it anyway. I also grabbed a bag of BBQ Pop Chips. I just really wanted something crunchy - I feel like Pop Chips aren't the worst snack I could have though.

I don't know, I kind of know I could have done better today. Especially since I know I'll have to get another cup of coffee in the next 20 minutes. But I'm going to try. And hopefully tomorrow I'll get my lazy ass to the gym. Okay, I'll update later. Like I said... kind of blah, not much to write!

Day 2, Part 1

Hello, hello!

So last night I ended up finishing off the night pretty well. I was proud of myself, because I kind of really wanted a yummy ice cream sundae. But I didn't give in!

Dinner:
2 bowls of homemade vegetable soup.

I came home and my mom had made me a huge pot of vegetable/barley soup. I'm a vegetarian, so sometimes it's harder for me to find something to eat for a quick dinner - everyone else in my family eats meat. So I thought it was great that she made me the soup. It was just a bunch of vegetables, some potatoes, and barley in a vegetable broth that my mom made with water, a jar of tomato paste and some vegetable boullions. It was really delicious and I feel like it couldn't have had that much calories. The barley made it a little bit more filling then if it was just vegetables.

After dinner, I have to say that I was pretty satisfied. But I ended up having 3 cookies - they're these Trader Joes cookies, kind of like Oreos but made with a peppermint filling instead. They're SO GOOD and they only sell them around the holidays - so I felt like I should treat myself! Anyway, they were small. And that was all I ate for the rest of the night!

Now, onto today.

Breakfast:
-3 egg whites scrambled with baby spinach and 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese.

Now, what I really wanted for breakfast was Dunkin Donuts - a yummy strawberry donut and a gingerbread latte. But, just as I thought, okay I'll pick one up, I remembered my diet. And I didn't get it! This breakfast was really good and satisfying, but next time I definitely need to add something more to it - it wasn't enough to keep me full for a while.

Lunch:
-Salad made with romaine, asiago cheese, walnuts, tuna, roasted red peppers, and oil and vinegar.

Snack:
-1 orange.

Okay, if I'm going to be honest, and I should be - I snacked on some chocolate cookies. =x I know I know but it's hard going from eating everything I want to eating so healthy, even though it's just Day 2! But I swear I'm trying harder.

Tonight I have a movie premiere, so I'll be eating dinner early... I'm probably going to have 2 more bowls of that vegetable soup, and I know I'm going to end up getting coffee, but I'll try to make it a nonfat latte. Snack-wise, I should be good, although I think I'll bring a granola bar for the train ride home later just in case.

Day 1, Part 2

Good afternoon. Updating again to keep on top of myself!

I did pretty good this afternoon, keeping on track of what I told myself I was going to do. I ate lunch at 2 and I had:

-A medium 10-vegetable soup from Hale & Hearty
-Mixed greens with broccoli, edamame, feta cheese and walnuts in oil and balsamic vinegar.

For a snack just a few minutes ago, I had a yogurt with granola and strawberries and bananas from Starbucks.

I'm kind of hungry right now, but I'm really more tired. I wanted to get another coffee, but I didn't want to waste the calories on the sugar. So I guess I'll just wait until I'm on the train and I can take a nap.

I don't have much else to say. I really am exhausted, and I have a busy few days ahead of me. Hopefully it doesn't affect my diet. I'll update later!

Day 1, Part 5...

Hello. I started this blog quite a while ago - actually, I can't even remember how long ago. This brings my blog count to a total of 3, however, I have a handful more of ones that I have discarded and no longer use. But I would love to actually keep up with this one.

So once again, I am trying to lose some weight. For the past few months, I have given up on the whole weight loss/diet/exercise thing. Actually, since the beginning of the summer, so it's been a while. It hasn't been terrible - it's not like I've gained an incredible amount during those few months, but I have gained some weight. During the summer, it was easier. I was working constantly, and walking a lot since I had to walk to work in Fire Island. I wasn't eating nearly as much as usual, because I was kept so busy. So despite the fact that I was not watching what I was eating at all and I wasn't exercising, I was maintaining pretty much the same weight. It wasn't that I was happy with the weight I was at either - actually, I really wasn't happy with it at all. But I wanted to have a good summer. I wanted to be more carefree and relaxed, and I wanted to do what I wanted and not stress so much about how I looked. So I gave myself a little break.

But that break continued after the summer ended, into September, October, November, and now, December. I told myself that I would go back to exercising and trying to eat healthier in the fall, but it just never happened. I'm honestly disappointed in myself. I've been letting myself eat whatever I want, I have been to the gym about 5 times in the past 6 months, and I've only been gaining weight and becoming flabby. It's embarrassing, and the worst part is the clothes situation. I feel like I can't wear anything I like anymore, and I LOVE fashion. I have been hiding in baggy clothes, leggings, and the same pair of jeans that are steadily getting tighter on me.

Two other things are making me want to lose weight quickly.

One is a dress. I got this beautiful black lace dress from ASOS for a wedding I have in February for one of my favorite cousins. It reminds me of the kind of dress Kim Kardashian would wear - meaning it's short, tight, and body-conscious. I got it in the mail a few days ago, and I couldn't be more in love with it. BUT. I am certainly not in love with the way I look in it. My stomach sticks out and my legs are in nowhere near the condition I need them to be in order to pull off this look. I really want to look good at this wedding - if I have the date I want, I want to impress him. And if I don't have a date, then there's all the more reason to look fantastic.

Another thing is a boy. As per usual, right? Me and this boy started seeing each other about 2 months ago. All he does is talk about how sexy and beautiful and gorgeous he thinks I am, and whenever we're together, he has never made me doubt myself. He is constantly touching me and looking at me and telling me how amazingly sexy I am, but no matter how many times he says it, I don't believe him. When he touches my stomach I recoil, when he looks at my body (even though it's with appreciation), I feel like I immediately want to cover myself up. I want to look better for him. Even though he constantly goes on how about how much he loves my body, I just feel like it could be better. More toned, more thin. I don't know.

So today I am really honestly going to start dieting and exercising. I need to look better - not just for that boy, but also for myself.

I admittedly did not have a good start this morning. Instead of my usual venti vanilla latte from Starbucks, which is relatively low in sugar and calories for a latte, I got the peppermint mocha. I couldn't help it - there were snow flurries outside, and the whole city looked like Christmas. So it looks like that was my treat for the day.

I had a Kellogs FiberPlus bar for breakfast. It was Dark Chocolate Almond - they're pretty good. I'm super picky about granola bars and things, but this one isn't bad. It actually kind of tastes like a candy bar. It only has 130 calories and 7 grams of sugar, and although I should be eating a more well-rounded breakfast, this isn't horrible for on the go.

For the rest of the day I need to eat healthier. For lunch I'm thinking I'm going to get Hale & Hearty. I want to fill up on a healthy lunch so that I'm not tempted to grab a snack on my way home. That always happens - I get so hungry and end up grabbing something unhealthy in Penn Station or Grand Central - something like a bag of chips, popcorn, Haagen Daaz ice cream, a Jamba Juice smoothie, a big pretzel, chocolate bars. It's actually disgusting when you think about. But today for lunch, I think I'll get a low calorie soup from Hale & Hearty and maybe a salad, but not with much in it. I could get mixed greens with edamame, feta cheese, broccoli, and walnuts - that shouldn't be too bad. The only bad thing is the feta cheese, but feta isn't too bad for you.

I seriously doubt I'll have time to work out today. I won't get home until at least 7:30 and I'm probably hanging out with that boy. But tomorrow morning, I swear I will go to the gym before work.

I'll update later with what I ate for lunch!

Yesterday after I wrote, I went a little bit off my diet. For lunch/dinner, I did fine... I had a salad with walnuts, Asiago cheese and oil and vinegar, and a bowl of Amy's Lentil soup... but then at work I was still hungry. I fully admit to grabbing a few french fries off of some plates. But what I really wanted was some bread with butter, and I didn't have it. So I guess I have to just focus on what I did right. When I got home, I was still hungry, so I tried to appease my sweet tooth with one of those small 1-serving things of ice cream. The thing that really sucked was later... I celebrated 4/20 with my friends and had 2 pieces of chocolate and some potato chips. If I had just had one of those things (only the french fries, or only the ice cream, or only the munchies later), it wouldn't have been so bad. But I had all three. I woke up so disappointed in myself, and I really want to remember that feeling so I don't have it again. I promise to do good today and to stay away from the french fries at work and all other evil cravings.

I started off pretty decent today with a 40 minute bike ride. It was beautiful out, and I didn't really feel like slaving away on the elliptical. Plus, my arms and legs are still really sore from the weights I did yesterday and the Wii Fit I did the other day, so I decided to give the strength training a break. Bike riding instead of the gym was awesome. Last summer, I started biking instead of going to the gym, and I absolutely loved it. It was a different feeling, working out in the sunshine with a cool breeze around you. I've been waiting for the warmer weather so I can do that again. I love going to the gym, I honestly do, but sometimes I need to do something different, you know? I wish I could have rode for longer, but my legs are burning in pain from working out the last two days.

I plan on eating a nice healthy breakfast now, but I'm not sure what to have. I don't feel like I'm in the mood for eggs, and I don't think we have oatmeal. Hmm. I'll figure something out.

I just hope that I can accomplish my goal. Right now, my realistic goal is to lose 10 pounds before my first beach day. That is no where close to how much weight I want to lose, but it will make me feel better. I really want to lose 20 pounds. I need to actually. I hate the weight I'm at right now. If I could see 129 on the scale... I would be soooo happy. Just being in the 120's would make me feel better about myself. From there, I want to go down to at LEAST 120 or 115. I think I can do it if I try hard enough. I just can't let myself get side tracked and distracted. I HAVE to keep my goals in mind. I wish someone could give me that will power!

So I'm pretty proud of myself for how I did yesterday. I didn't cheat, and it felt fantastic! After I wrote, I managed to keep myself pretty busy, and succeeded, so I didn't eat anything else. I did have a tall Starbucks vanilla nonfat latte, though, so that counts as my snack. 


Sure enough, when I got home, I was STARVED. I was so hungry I wanted to raid the kitchen and eat everything. Instead, as I was waiting for dinner, I had a few handfuls of that granola I was talking about. For dinner, I had corn, roasted potatoes, and a veggie burger. Not too bad, I don't think. 


I did Wii Fit for the first time after dinner. GOD that thing made me depressed! I'll only admit this on here, but my age according to the Wii was 40. That's disgusting!!!!! And I was not at all happy with my weight or my BMI. So I will now be using the Wii on nights when I get home from my internship, or days I don't have time to go to the gym. It's not a huge calorie burner, but it's better than nothing. I worked out for about a half hour, doing strength training and yoga. I was actually very surprised by how sore I felt afterwards. I didn't think it would really work, but I guess I was wrong. I had a cherry Italian Ice as I watched a movie. 


Today I have been doing pretty well also. I finally made it to the gym! I worked out pretty hard on the elliptical for a half hour and then did some weights, focusing on my arms since I had just worked out my legs before and last night. When I came home, I was once again starving, but I fought off the cravings to eat everything in sight. I made scrambled eggs with cheese on an English muffin, and also had an apple with peanut butter. I was still hungry after, so I had 3 plain rice cakes. I'm not eating again until right before work, and maybe I'll have a little something after work, depending on how hungry I am. 


Tomorrow I plan on hitting the gym again and continuing to eat better. I already feel so much better about myself. Last night, I didn't go to sleep feeling disgusted with myself and with what I had eaten. I didn't go to sleep with a stomach ache either. I went to sleep feeling good about what I had eaten. I want to feel that way every night. The sense of accomplishment makes me so happy. I don't want to give that away just for some fattening foods! I'll write later to make sure I stay on track! 

I know I do this all the time - start a diet, write about it full of excitement, and then end it in a day. But this time I really desperately want it to be different. No - I actually NEED it to be different. I think it will be good for me to blog about it. I haven't had any dieting success in months. Things keep coming up and I keep procrastinating. But now, not only is summer around the corner, but I'm also completely miserable about how I look. It's getting warmer every day, and I find myself sticking to jeans, leggings, and long sleeved shirts to cover up my body. That can't go on much longer, and I don't want to feel horrible about myself every time I go out. I'm the only one who can change this and I NEED to do this for myself!

So I'm really starting today. I don't have much time before I'll be at the beach in a bathing suit - and I really don't want to feel extremely fat on the beach.

This morning, I woke up excited to start eating better. I didn't really get a chance to have breakfast, as I was running out the door to make the train. When I got to Us Weekly, I got my usual triple grande nonfat vanilla latte from Starbucks - I think I'm going to cut that down to just a plain latte, which will cut down on some sugar. I also grabbed a yogurt and fruit parfait with granola, about 300 calories. I didn't finish it, but it was better than no breakfast at all.

I had a pretty good lunch. I went to Pret a Mange and got a soup and half a sandwich. I like Pret because you can get half sandwiches there, and it has all the calories, and everything is usually pretty healthy. I got a miso soup, which is extremely healthy and only 50 calories - and it's basically all soybeans, so it's realtively filling. I also got half a falafel sandwich - it was on wheat bread, with tomatos, spinach, some kind of dressing and onions. I wasn't sure how it would be, but it was delicious and I believe it was only a little over 200 calories. So my lunch was filling and healthy, with really no sugar at all. I'm trying to get myself out of my current lunch habit, which is to eat something pretty healthy but ruin it with cheese and with a snack. I usually eat salads, but I can't help but put some cheese in there. And then I usually grab a bag of chips to go along with the meal. It's a waste.

Honestly, I'm still a little hungry after that lunch. It was really good, but there wasn't much to it. However, I know that I need to eat less, and that eating less will mean being hungry more. Especially at first. I need to just push through it. I'm at Us, trying to distract myself from the hunger. For later, I have a healthy cranberry-almond granola to munch on. I'm thinking that right before I get on the train, I'll buy a fruit salad to hold me over until dinner.

The other thing I have to work on is pigging out when I get home. I'll walk in the door starving for dinner, and instead of waiting for it to be ready, I'll start eating anything I can get my hands on: spare Oreos, handfuls of walnuts, cheese, pieces of cake. It's so dumb. So I need to just stop doing that.

Hopefully I won't get home too late, and then I would love to do some Wii Fit tonight after dinner. Even if it's just yoga or pilates, it will make me feel better. And I definitely plan on eating the gym in the am, whether it's getting up early enough to make the morning classes or spending some time on the elliptical and doing my own weights.

I really hope I can do this. I'll have to think of some inspirational things I can look at or think about each time I have a really bad craving for something bad. I'll keep you updated.

Schedule

Okay. I am really going to do this this time. I am going to write a schedule of things I can eat each day, like a food plan. It sounds a little restricting, but the other time I did this, it actually worked pretty well. I'm going to record it in my blog, so here goes: the schedule for this week, starting today.

Tuesday, March 16:
Breakfast:
-3 egg whites on a multi-grain sandwich thin, 2 slices of provolone cheese
-1 grapefruit
-1 small apple

Lunch:
-Salad. Oil & vinegar for dressing, some nuts, some asiago cheese, maybe add some tuna, wrap in a tortilla.
Snack with lunch:
-small apple with peanut butter.

Dinner:
-a wrap or salad from Fresh Portions.

Dessert:
-small ice cream bar.


Wednesday, March 17:
Gym: Before breakfast.

Breakfast:
-oatmeal with apple, nuts, a little maple syrup.
-grapefruit.

Lunch:
-Salad.
Snack with lunch:
-Carrots and hummus.

Snack before work:
-tall non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks.

Dinner:
-Stir-fried veggies with rice.


Thursday, March 18:
Breakfast:
-Fiber 1 granola bar.
-Fruit smoothie.
-non-fat vanilla latte.

Lunch:
-Salad I bring to work.
Snack:
-100-calorie pack rice cakes.
-Carrots with hummus.

-100-calorie pack almonds.

Dinner:
-TBA